I never imagined that I would turn out to be a stay at home mother. In my early twenties I was not only committed to my work but also quietly dismissive of women who stayed at home with children – after all what did they do all day? To say that my head was turned by the birth of my first child is an understatement, the responsibility that I had previously contemplated passing on to a child minder seemed so huge that I knew that I was the one who would seek to fulfil it. Staying at home to bring up my children has been a joy and a privilege and it continues to be so. Yet this decision has been constantly questioned and at times I have felt quite vulnerable especially as the children grew older and I ‘failed’ to return to the work place. I do work, lots of it but unpaid and I am asked again and again “what do you do?” “When are you going back to work?”
Where do the attacks come from? Recent political decisions haven’t helped and I have found myself shouting at the kitchen radio at the latest news; changes to tax systems, bringing in affordable child care, each change communicating to families that if they return to the work place the government will seek to help them. It has become increasingly clear that what our government wants is to get women back into the work place because they believe that is what is best for the economy. We are in the bizarre position that our society would rather pay mothers to look after other peoples children in nurseries than have them stay at home and care for their own. Cherie Blair has spoken again this week about providing support for women to return to the work place so that we can have ‘a society that makes the most of everyone’s talents’. Her solution is ‘universal childcare.’[1] She tries to address the fact that as a society we undervalue stay at home carers but she cannot escape her belief that society works best when everyone is in the workplace.
I am a dying breed. I know very few women who have stayed out of paid work for the duration of their kid’s childhoods. The ones I do know tend to be ministers wives. I know that as a family we have had the financial option for me to stay at home (although this has not been as easy as people assume). I know that many families have severe financial constraints that mean both parents have to work outside of the home and because of this I tend to avoid expressing my views on this subject. It is an area of freedom for families to chose how to bring up their children in the knowledge and instruction of the Lord – it doesn’t have to be mum who is the main carer. But I am fearful that we live in a society that only values work that contributes directly to the economy and fails to see the value of unpaid work and does not value parenting. A world that thinks bringing up a child is not utilising a woman’s talents and that children are customers to be passed around nurseries, day care and after school clubs. I was disturbed by the support of Christian Concern for Celestina Mba the Christian children’s worker who wanted the right not to work on a Sunday – it’s not the issue of her conscience about the Sabbath that I object to but children need caring for every day of the week. I find it deeply uncomfortable someone fighting for the right not to care for children on a Sunday. I think our society is messed up and perhaps some Christians are too.
Bringing my children up has been the most intellectually challenging and stimulating thing I have ever done. It has used every ounce of my talents and I agree with Laura Perrins – it has not been a waste of my potential.[2]
Stay-at-home mothers do contribute to our economy but not immediately or in a way that can be easily measured. We need to value our children properly, and we need to value all those who parent them.
[1] 'Modern Motherhood', Cherie Blair.
[2] "Cherie Blair is spouting guff: my children need my 'talent' more than KPMG", Laura Perrins. The Telegraph, 21st October 2013.
